You want to know the story of Felix Goldenleaf?
I was born the bastard son of a prostitute named Petunia Goldenleaf in the very Halfling ghetto where we were ambushed. I killed some of the very people I grew up with. My formative years included learning how to lie and steal to keep us afloat after she became too ill to continue working.
The one good thing in my life before Dundenvale was Bruno Trickfoot. He’s the sole reason I was able to get into the Halfling Outriders, a legitimate means to support myself and my mother. For a while, it was good. I had about 2 years of being mentored under Bruno in the outriders before her condition deteriorated rapidly.
Shortly before she died, she gave me a brass signet ring, and told me about my father, who turned out to be Rupert Honeywheat, the wealthy Halfling Man who was standing next to the Halfling Senator. When I told him who I was back then, he had me beaten within an inch of my life and thrown out of town. He had plans for himself that didn’t include illegitimate kids coming out of the woodwork. He was rich 5 years ago, and now he’s probably the single most powerful Halfling in Peckal.
Life over, right? Not quite, because Bruno swooped in once again with this brilliant idea of riding out to this little town where his cousins lived and setting me up with a fresh start. Unfortunately, we were ambushed by Hobgoblin raiders on our way there, and he died ensuring that I managed to escape.
I couldn’t see any reason why anyone would take me in without Bruno, so I decided my only option was to subsume his identity. Fortunately, his cousins hadn’t actually met him yet. I’ve been trying to live up to his name as best as I could, because I know that the wrong one of us died that day.
So before you get on your highhorse about honesty, remember that you’ve all had the luxury of being born someone who was worth a damn. You know what I got? A dead prostitute mother and a father who is currently plotting my murder. I had to claw my way up from nothing and I’m still shit.